I’m having a nineties moment that started on a plane coming back from Arizona. I was squeezed up next to the window having been seated next to a giant. They just took my fancy massage oil and my yogurt at security so the kvetching was about to go into full throttle down the runway. Nirvana’s “I’m On A Plain, I Can’t Complain” pops into my head. I’m always amazed how the catalog of music stored in my brain shows me what I’m thinking. Right, I’m on a plane – returning from a trip at a spa in the desert. I’m on a plain, I can’t complain.

I’m now listening to the Nirvana MTV Unplugged album which is in my phone. I’ve done this route from Tuscon to New York several times so I’m familiar with the fantastic and varied landscapes. I decide to photograph it. Immediately I start seeing the huge potential in collaging with these textures etc.. I’m on a plain, I can’t complain…Re-appreciating that song, moving from cramped and crabby to expansive.That was so much of what the nineties were about for me – movement, and there was a tremendous amount of energy and inspiration that seemed to be penetrating me from almost every direction. The dance floor was still thriving in the underground. There was still an underground actually. Actual artists and musicians were thriving in pop music as well. I think that was pop culture’s last hurrah before the ignoring started for me. My obsession with West African dance was in full swing as well. I hold all of this now with such reverence. All those dj’s, those countless brilliant sets would have me transported for hours. And all the Tori, and the Alanis and the Bjork and the Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, Hole, Live………… It really did seem like no matter where you looked there was something good.

One thing was noticeably absent during that time though. It was amazing in so many ways but I wasn’t grounded really. Nothing was in place that is now. I was flying and twisting and twirling in body mostly. I was going higher and higher but there was usually a crash of some kind. As far upwards and outwards as I was going it was clear to me the next direction had to go inward. It was around ’97 or so that the necessary inquiry started, a meditation practice was established, I met a great teacher that set me on a path of inner work. Life really changed and laid the ground for everything that exists now.

So I’m thinking about what propels me now, about how this all relates in the present. The thought of taking off for a weekend to go to a rave in a van with a bunch of friends or heading out at 4am to catch the last set of one of my favorite dj’s is science fiction at this point. It’s not about re-living anything. It never is.

I am reaching back into my period of “Big Time Sensuality”. I am utilizing the movements and sounds made then now because it’s just a better time for me to do so. These figures are straddling the confines of time and space. They exist in the realm of ALL IS WELL, which is constant and always. They are adorned and made of what we stand on and can take off from. I’m On A Plain, I Can’t Complain.

A nice portfolio series for this fall’s Four Season’s magazine.

When I found out I was pregnant at 42 I was absolutely terrified and spent the first six months on the couch in a heap of anxiety. As far as I was concerned I already had a kid, actually a very high maintenance one. All my energy had been up to that point in constant service to being an artist and it demanded it. All my time was spent either making art or in one form or another of self-absorption and expression, the healthy kind. Long meditations in the morning, journaling, workshops, hundreds of African dance classes, yoga, long phone chats and dinners with the inspiring geniuses that are my friends – whenever I felt like it. When I’d see the moms on the streets (even the hip ones) with the strollers and the sippy cups and crap hanging off them I would actually feel an unbearable weight. Hell no, I can’t do that.

So here we are five years later. Obviously things have changed. I still have the very high maintenance and somewhat special needs first child who I would give anything or do anything for. And I have the panics now and again that I’m not able to give “her” all the time and attention I used to when it was just “us”. But I reassure myself,” the foundation is strong, what came before is capable of carrying it all forward. The attention you’re giving now is more about refining, directing and expanding on what has already been planted. “She” is fine, you are fine, shut up.”

Praise is named after a beautiful pink rubber stamp print by one of my favorite artists Agnes Martin. “Praise” was one of the first gifts I gave to Peter when we started dating. I looked up at that print on the wall the day I found out I was having a girl and decided to call her that. In a way I now think I was asking the Universe for the strength and ability I perceived myself as lacking. Agnes Martin was a brilliant recluse and her work resonates with the clarity and purity of that kind of silence. She was all that I was afraid of letting go of, the aspect of my life that was able to be thoroughly devoted to art and spirituality without distractions or demands from anything or anyone.

The thing is though when I go deeper I realize that I want it all, that I actually want the challenges that require me to leave my comfort zones. I realize that my work really is about layers, abundance, balance and expansion, and about the process of coming back to the quiet center for nourishment and stability. I love the contrast of all that so my life and art is going to reflect that.

Praise is about as spirited and exuberant and as a child can be. There is rarely a time when she is not singing or dancing or talking or asking for something. So perfect right? That kid who sits quietly and listens and has patience is not mine and that’s fine with me. I was never that kid either so I know how to love and guide her. I get to give her everything that she needs to be able to create and be productive and appreciated for who she is in the world. We’ll see how it goes but so far so good. She is thriving, happy and loving for the most part. As much as I can totally accept and appreciate her incredible eccentricities I hope she appreciates mine. Watching her immerse herself in all that plastic-y princess hideousness tells me that when it’s time she’s going to get the real thing, the Goddess. I loved it all too as a little girl so I’m not worried. My hope is that growing up alongside my “girls”; the drawings, and the imagery that inspires them she gets the message – that we are made of everything that shimmers and glimmers and gives life to this world.

 

So here is my birthday card to Praise. Happy birthday little lady…

 

Here are some new explorations going on in the studio. They’re rather large. About 24” x 36”. It’s just the beginning. The intention is to make my collages on a larger scale to exist as one of a kind works on paper. I’m letting go here of the need for the perfection that comes with scanning and finishing digitally. Perhaps they will be framed in a way that will adhere to the glass to preserve the transparent color films that have been applied to the sumi ink drawing. Or maybe it’s about a light box. Like I said it’s the beginning.

Ultimately I am persevering with my pursuit to pinpoint an exact meeting place of fine art and fashion. I elaborated on this here and this is the work that is coming. Basically all perceived limitations or doubts have been unemployed for this series so my only job here is to be bold and to get completely out of the way of The Force.

The mind can easily slip in there. ”Is this too abstract, not abstract enough? Is this communicating or just indulgent? …

I don’t know but these forms just keep coming almost effortlessly. I have to trust that. There is no under-drawing or sketches, no references, no plan whatsoever. I feel a pull back to this work whenever there is the space to do it so hopefully life will make way for more composing.

“Geisha” and “Paloma” are now available as limited addition giclee prints via The Fashion Illustration Gallery. Nice site to roam around as well.
figprints.com

“Supreme Trees” seems to be getting around these days.
Featured here in Four Season’s Magazine as well as in
Jonathan Adler stores.

The Glenn Gould Foundation features “Vita”.
Such an honor.
Link